Pain Meds' Costume




The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli

After six months of being on pain medication, there is no question that withdraws from the drug is difficult and scary. The drug can have physical and psychological side effects when taken for long periods of time.

Its addictive properties mask pain wherever it lingers, and the longer it's taken, the greater the reliance. But pain meds' costume eventually has to be dis-robed, stripped of its disguise to parade around as comforter and healer.  And the realization of detoxing from the drug can trigger a panic attack, as what happened to me.  As the pain in my ankles lessened overtime from both reconstructive surgeries, I knew I needed to rid my body of the drug's toxic poison that had accumulated inside.  I had no idea that coming off this medication is similar to what an addict goes through.   

I didn't realize that although I was taking just a couple to a few a day; it was enough to throw an artificial mask over other areas of my body that were compensating for my lack of walking; for example, using my arms to help wheel me around.  I simply did not feel the fatigue, soreness or pain in my arms that I relied on for so much: transferring me from bed to wheelchair; pushing and pulling to navigate around in my home.  I tapered off slowly, and then stopped altogether which induced physical symptoms almost unbearable to deal with.  My body was ravaged by flu-like symptoms, muscle aches and pains, sweating and chills at the same time, anxiety, yawning for no reason, and the worst: insomnia.  I soon headed to see my nutritionist who immediately placed me on a vitamin C flush. This helped rid my body of the drug's effects as well as the edema I still had in my right foot after the external fixator was removed. 

We really are in charge of our own healing; directors and conductors of our lives.  It would be easy to slip into that place of not feeling when pain has suffocated me for so long.  Yet, I know that events, traumas, illness, divorce, even death are passages of time---these experiences leave  indelible etchings on our faces--those "character lines" that some are determined to erase (with even more drugs).  I think we all endure our own tsunamis in life, at various ages, times, and stages.  There is no how to manuals or instructions to deal with the after effects of unforgiving conditions or how narcotics throw a cloak of artificial comfort over us during these difficult times.  But, hopefully, our experiences provide us with a deeper awareness about our lives; a chance to detox from the past and invite purification and cleansing that allows us the fortitude to continue on, free from pain meds' artificial comfort by our side.